im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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