why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
