I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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