sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
