As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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