i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
