if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
