I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
