for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
