Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
