He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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