He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
