i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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