rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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