probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
