Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
