i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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