just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
