can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
We are two peas in an std pod
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
