Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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