the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
