I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
