I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
