as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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