Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
