What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
