around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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