I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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