watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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