So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
