I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
