I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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