I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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