so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
