Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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