This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I look better un-naked...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
being pregnant is like rehab
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
