i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
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One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
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I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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