it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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