just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize