We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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