Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
We need to rekindle our bromance
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
