No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
