forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just forgot I was standing up.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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