My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
