Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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