Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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