brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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