Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
