I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
