I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
