i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
