if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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