Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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