yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
