i permit you to call me
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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