They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
