My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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