Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
