Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
