I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
