So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
