dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
