Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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